


To Walk in his Shoes

by SassyFanGirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Depression, Hurt Merlin, Hurt!Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, Invisibility, M/M, Magic Revealed, Oneshot, Protective Arthur, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6549418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyFanGirl/pseuds/SassyFanGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a magical enemy of Merlin's decides it's high time Arthur found out about Merlin's magic, he sets a spell forcing Arthur to be bound to Merlin. There was a catch though, Merlin couldn't see him. So Arthur is forced to be Merlin's shadow for a day. He never expected to see this though. The magic was a surprise... But this? Can Arthur get himself visible in time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Walk in his Shoes

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my goodness, I have had this in my head for ages now and I'm so happy I finally got it all out. i'm not too sure how I feel about it all, so please let me know how you feel! Thank you all for reading:)  
> **Trigger Warning::SH/cutting/blood  
> **I don't own any characters or shows.  
> **Please don't read if you have a sensitivity to blood or self harm.
> 
> ^^^i was thinking about doing this fic through Merlin's POV. What do y'all think??

Merlin walked into Arthur’s room with his usual high spirits. He set Arthur's breakfast on the table, and started to push open the curtains while looking up over his shoulder to Arthur's bed. He was just about to say "Good morning, sire!" when he realized there was something off. Where was Arthur? The bed was still made from the day before, but Merlin remembers seeing Arthur getting into the bed just the night before. Assuming it was a joke, Merlin started walking around and looking everywhere. "All right, Arthur. I know you're in here. You aren't going to scare me." Merlin leaned down quickly and looked under the bed. "Ha!" He called out, and then confusion hit him. Arthur wasn't there. Getting up off the floor, Merlin scrunched his brows together. What is going on?

"You useless servant, I'm right here!" Arthur was shouting at Merlin. When that had no effect, Arthur started to wave his arms around trying to catch Merlin's eye. After about ten minutes of watching his idiot servant search around, Arthur came to the conclusion that Merlin legitimately could not see him. Well, what now? Arthur watched Merlin start to give up. His eyes became downcast. Well, that certainly was a new look on him. Arthur was almost amused. Did he really get a bad attitude over not seeing Arthur in the morning? _I didn't think Merlin cared that much!._ Arthur thought humorously to himself. He crossed his arms in a stance of masculinity. He continued to watch Merlin. Maybe he could catch him doing something he isn't supposed to and hold it over his head! He didn't expect what he saw though. He figured Merlin would whistle as he worked, or do a half ass job, but that wasn't the case. What he saw instead was a rather sobering. 

Arthur saw his servant’s shoulders fall slightly lower. Merlin was looking left, then right. Finally it looked like he gave up finding Arthur. He looked over at the breakfast he had provided, and Arthur got slightly excited. If Merlin were to eat his food, he would never live it down. Merlin didn't, though. In fact, Merlin covered it, in case Arthur was to return, it wouldn't stale. Merlin then turned around and faced the area that Arthur stood. Arthur held his breath, could Merlin see him? As Merlin walked past him, Arthur decided he definitely could not. Merlin made his way over to the dresser and picked out clothes for Arthur. Why would he do that if Arthur wasn't even here? Why bother? Merlin continued on the normal list of duties. Arthur got rather bored watching at some point and decided to sit on the bed. As he watched Merlin wash the floor he noticed Merlin's features. Normally, Arthur wouldn’t pay any mind to what Merlin's face was doing. This time it was different though. Did Merlin always look like this? He looked, almost sad. His blue eyes were a deep blue that Arthur could easily get lost in. But there wasn't the usually sense of warmth that he normally got when looking into his eyes. Instead he felt sadness. 

Merlin can't always look like this, right? Surly he'd notice if his servant was this sad... Right? Arthur decided to watch closer. His movements weren't as sloppy as they usually are. Instead, Merlin worked with precision that Arthur had never seen. Long deliberate strokes on the floor, and when he dipped the rag back into the bucket there wasn't the usual splash. In its place, there was precision, methodical movements. Arthur was confused. Merlin looked... graceful. But Merlin wasn't graceful. He was clumsy and thoughtless. Why is Merlin different just because he didn't think Arthur was in the room? Arthur made the mental note to ask his servant about this. Merlin then paused and leaned back on his heels. Arthur watched as Merlin closed his eyes tight and pressed a hand to his temple. Was he in pain?? Why did he look like he was in pain? Merlin stayed that way for a few minutes before opening his eyes and looking around the room once more. _Is he still looking for me?_ Arthur wondered. Why was he so concerned with Arthur? Arthur watched as Merlin's eyes became watery. His hands began to tremble, and breath came fast. What is wrong with Merlin? Why is he acting so weird? Was it really just because Arthur was gone? Merlin can't possibly be this attached to him. 

Finally, Merlin seemed to snap out of whatever fit he was in and sniffed loudly as he stood up. He shook out his limbs slightly and started back up with the floor. Once he finished, Merlin got up and went over to the window. Arthur decided to walk over with him, needing to stretch his invisible legs. Merlin had leaned over the window, on his elbows. His hands were clasped in front of him and Merlin's gaze was strong. Arthur tried to see what could possibly be so interesting, but there was nothing out the window but the mundane. Arthur looked back at Merlin and noticed it wasn't the town Merlin was staring at, but his arm. Why is Merlin staring at his arm? That was a weird place to be staring. Arthur rolled his eyes at his incompetent servant. _Great, now e stares at himself. So this is why it takes him so long to do things._ Arthur decided he had enough of watching Merlin. There must be something else he could do. Maybe he could try to figure out a way to get him solid again. As Arthur walked towards the door, there was a strange tension across his body. He was only a couple feet from the door when a magical force pulled him right back. 

Panicked, Arthur tried and tried again. Every time the chance to leave was denied to him. Then he heard a clatter. He turned round to see Merlin quickly finishing his tasks. _Why is he in such a hurry?_ Merlin looked close to tears. What had happened? What did Arthur miss? Suddenly Merlin was storming out of the room. Arthur threw his hands up in surrender. He was done trying to figure Merlin. There was no point chasing after him, he couldn't get passed the door. Suddenly, Arthur felt a familiar force this time pushing him out towards Merlin. Why is this happening? Arthur wanted to scream in frustration. He unwillingly followed Merlin around, feeling absolutely foolish. Here he was, the Prince, forced to follow his servant. Arthur decided that this was a force of sorcery. Arthur couldn't stand the fact that once more he was at the will of sorcery.

At some point, Arthur realized where they were. It was a forgotten place. One not many went. He looked ahead at Merlin. He was standing in front of a door, looking around. Then, he dashed inside. Arthur decided to speed up. What in the world is he doing? So it isn't the tavern, then. This is what Merlin is doing when he is nowhere to be seen. Arthur was feeling giddy with all the new information he can hold over Merlin. He was looking forward to what he'd find. What was it? A girl? Arthur got in the door and followed the light that Merlin had gotten somehow. Finally Arthur caught up and saw that Merlin was walking fast still. He noticed that his servant was pulling his hands into fists over and over. So he was nervous. But, why? All things still led to a girl.

Suddenly, the small hall opened up into a large cave. Merlin immediately started yelling words that made no sense. _That's it. Merlin has lost his mind!_ Arthur had decided. Then, from nowhere, a dragon appeared. Arthur was terrified, why were they here? He couldn't even get away, he was stuck to Merlin. Yet, Merlin didn't look worried. In fact, in Arthur's confusion, he hadn't noticed that Merlin was actually talking to the beast. Why? It's not like the thing could respond. Arthur had to eat his words, because just then, the dragon responded.

"Young warlock, you must speak slower I cannot follow such thoughts." The creature said. Who was he talking to? Surly not _Mer_ lin.

Merlin seemed infuriated and huffed in response something in that foreign tongue that Arthur couldn't understand. He saw the dragon bow his head in submission. What had Merlin said? Then, the dragon was gone as quickly as it had arrived. Arthur was at a loss. What did any of this mean? Suddenly he was being forced backwards once more. He never noticed Merlin leaving. He jogged back to Merlin.

"MERLIN!" He tried. "What is going on? How could you speak to that thing? Are you a dragon lord? No of course you can't be." He kept trying to talk to him, with no return. Then, Merlin turned down another dark hallway. Arthur followed behind. It was too narrow to fit next to Merlin. Arthur saw Merlin lift his hand and the light flew up in the air. Arthur stood still. Blinking, Arthur tried to erase what he had just seen. No. Merlin did not _have_ magic. _he_ would know. Arthur was still staring up at the floating light when he heard muffled cries. He looked down at the man he thought he knew, it was not a face he knew though. It was torn in a scene of torment. Arthur looked closer, walking towards his servant. "Merlin..." He tried. He knew it was pointless, but he still tried. What was going on? Why was Merlin on the floor crying? Arthur watched in horror as his servant wailed, unable to do anything about it.

This couldn't be the same Merlin. It couldn't be. This was not the same man. Gone were the smiles, in their place were frowns. Nowhere was laughter, instead there were cries. Nowhere was the care free Merlin, just this tortured soul. Arthur was at a complete loss, he forgot all about the magic. At least until Merlin lifted his head and his eyes glowed bright yellow. Something flew passed Arthur, too quickly for him to know what it was. Arthur wasn't thinking of that though, only of the yellow. He hadn’t wanted to believe it until just then. It was so strange. Arthur thought back to all the times that magic was near to him and Merlin... All those times, had it always been Merlin? Every time someone was suddenly thrown from their horse, or their sword pulled away. All these years... Was it really Merlin? Arthur was lost in his thoughts once more when he heard another cry from Merlin.

Looking back at his servant he had the breath knocked out of him at the sight. Merlin was bleeding. Not only that, but there was a knife. Floating. Someone was using magic on Merlin! Someone was hurting Merlin! He had to stop them! Arthur looked around the room, there was no one. Then it dawned on him, maybe they were invisible too. Arthur called out, trying to force whoever it was out. Then he heard another cry. He ran to Merlin's side. "It's okay, Merlin. I'm looking for them, they won't..." Arthur watched his eyes turn yellow once more, it felt strange. Seeing him do such in front of him. So easily he’d hid from Arthur. Then he saw the pain in the eyes, now blue. Arthur looked down at Merlin's arm. There was another cut. Once more the blade was dragged against his skin, Arthur caught it this time.

Staggering back, Arthur was lost. "Merlin..." He said quietly to himself. Merlin was doing this to himself. Arthur had to turn his back. Why? Why would Merlin do this? What reason could possible justify this? Arthur tried to control his breathing. He wasn't the one in pain, after all, Merlin was. He put on his warrior face, and turned back to Merlin. Determined to snap him out of it. "Merlin!!" Come on Merlin." Arthur sat next to Merlin. "Snap out of it! You don't know what you're doing. This isn't you!"

His words did nothing. Merlin continued his motions. Then, he stopped. Merlin looked over his work. He seemed angry still. Breathing heavy, he pulled at his tunic, yanking it up over his head. Arthur fell back. For the second time, his breath was taken from him. Merlin was covered in scars and cuts. Arthur furrowed his brows, looking closer. Arthur felt tears pooling in his eyes. "Oh Merlin..." Arthur reached up and attempted to touch Merlin. He knew that nothing would come of it, but he couldn't help himself. He saw Merlin tense. Did he feel that? Merlin turned his head, looking behind him. Arthur's heart stopped as Merlin's eyes seemed to stare into his.

Then Merlin's gaze drifted off. Whatever Merlin sensed was not effecting what he was there to do. Arthur continued to try and get to Merlin, knowing that he could do nothing. Arthur watched unwillingly as the blade came down on Merlin's back. Arthur felt sick, why would someone do this? How long has this been going on? Arthur moved himself so that he was sitting face to face with Merlin. He searched for something that looked like _his_ Merlin. Merlin's eyes were full of such sorrow. Arthur had no idea how much Merlin had been hurting. He felt horrible for not knowing. Merlin started to laugh to himself. What happened? Why was he laughing? Merlin's eyes gazed over the new markings that intermingled with the old ones.

"There's one thing I'm good at Arthur." Merlin said, startling Arthur. Could Merlin see him, finally? "Aren't you proud?" Merlin said, once more lighting up his eyes. Arthur couldn't see what the blade was doing, but he could tell it was the worst one. Merlin's eyes squeezed shut at the pain, tears slowly poured down his face. He let out a cry and slumped slightly. Arthur got worried. "Merlin." He said, testing out his voice. If Merlin had heard, he didn't give any clues. Merlin was now closing his eyes. Arthur knew these signs. He was about to pass out. Clearing his throat, he tried once more. This time he gave everything into getting his voice heard. "MERLIN!" He yelled. Arthur saw Merlin tense. Saw his skin develop chills. Arthur's heart was beating faster than ever in this moment. Merlin started swaying slightly, trying to lift his head. Arthur tried reaching out, to touch Merlin. _Please. Please hear me. Please feel me._ Arthur was begging. He needed to be there for Merlin right now.

Merlin lifted his head after much effort. He looked into the eyes of Arthur. This time it was Arthur who got chills. He knew. Right then he knew. Merlin could see him. Merlin's eyes got large. And he fell backwards, trying to scoot away from Arthur.

"Whoa, whoa it's alright. Merlin! It's okay." Arthur tried to get closer, but he knew better. Merlin was scared right now. Terrified, even. He had to be careful. Gain his trust. Arthur raised his hands in surrender. Merlin continued to scoot backwards until he hit a wall.

Merlin was breaking down, shaking and crying. "No no no... Please, no..." He was muttering over and over. Merlin wrapped his arms around his legs, and rocked himself back and forth. Arthur tried to avoid the crimson stains spreading from Merlin's arms to his pants. They sat like this until finally, Merlin calmed slightly. Arthur never dropped his gaze from Merlin. Trying desperately to show Merlin that he was there for him, and not judging.

When he felt like the time was right, Arthur opened his mouth to speak. "Merlin," Merlin flinched at the sound. "Merlin, you're hurt." Arthur said softly. He saw Merlin's muscles tense and the mention of the soul reason they were in the cave hall. Arthur continued, "Please, Merlin. Let me help you." Merlin looked at Arthur for the first time, confused.

"Why would you care?" He said crudely. "Why are you here, how long have you been here, and why are you..."

Arthur tried to cut in, and finally just started talking over him, "I don't know!" He yelled. Once more, Arthur threw up his hands looking completely defeated. Arthur rolled his head back, trying to allow his muscles to relax slightly. Arthur shook his head looking back at Merlin who was cowering slightly, seemingly trying to cover as much of himself as possible. "I just, I don't know, Merlin." Arthur said softer. Arthur didn't know exactly why he was being so soft with Merlin; clearly he didn't care about being roughed up. As soon as Arthur thought the words, he hated them. He knew that something much more was going on here and hated that he made such an assumption. Arthur licked his lips, trying to bring some relief to his dry mouth. He needed to help Merlin, but Merlin wasn't making things easy. Arthur's gaze drifted to the growing red marks on Merlin.

"If you are so disgusted, why don't you leave?" Merlin muttered, barely intelligible. Arthur didn't understand the words. How could Merlin think that after all this, he would leave? No, he had to help.

Arthur looked down and saw an attempt to bring up a lighter feeling. Smiling, he lifted his head. Peering through blonde lashes he really looked at Merlin, "You can't get rid of me that easily, Merlin." Standing up, Arthur continued. "So get over it." He raised his eyebrows, worried he might have crossed a line. Then he saw a ghost of a smile on Merlin's lips.

"If you’ve been with me long enough tonight," Merlin smirked looking at his arms. "you know I can just make you leave." Merlin's smirk had turned dark. Arthur wasn't sure what to make of the words. Was he inferring that he would use magic to force Arthur to leave? Would he really do that? Then, Arthur saw Merlin looking over his wounds. Realization drifted in his eyes. No, Merlin wouldn't let Arthur leave. At this point Merlin needed him.

"Why...?" Arthur couldn't find the words. Merlin physically recoiled from Arthur's voice. "Can you not use...?" Arthur moved his hands about as if he were trying to impersonate a mime. Merlin looked up and smiled slightly. "Oh you know what I mean." Arthur glared back, "Magic, _Mer_ lin. Why can't you just use magic to fix things?" Merlin's smile slowly faded.

"You know Arthur," Merlin said softly. "Magic cannot heal all things. And it cannot fix that which is unseen." Merlin seemed to be talking to himself. Arthur watched him speak as if he were in a trance. "As far as these are concerned," Merlin lifted his arms, "I cannot use my magic. It's no ordinary blade I wield." Arthur was confused once more. Merlin looked at him and laughed an eerie sound on Arthur's ears. "You wouldn't understand, Arthur." Arthur couldn't help the flutter in his heart at the sound of his name on Merlin's lips.

"Tell me," Arthur demanded. "please, tell me what I can do for you." Arthur was pleading with his eyes. He saw Merlin considering his options. His heart kept beating faster waiting for an agonizing while for Merlin's response.

Merlin looked up at Arthur with weak eyes, carefully looking him up and down. Was he judging _Arthur_? "Do you trust me, Arthur?" Merlin asked lofty.

Arthur scrunched his brows and looked down. He had been battling this question within his own mind. Did he trust Merlin? The servant who clearly kept so many things from Arthur. Arthur didn't have to think for long. "Yes, Merlin." Arthur saw Merlin's small smile.

As Merlin's eyes started to change colors, Merlin smiled. "Hold on." Arthur was flown back by a gold light that seemed to blow through his mind. Arthur could barely feel his feet being lifted up off the ground as the gold air seemed to pull him higher. His limbs started to drift upwards as the invisible force turned him in circles. Images and pictures filled his head. Knowledge. Pure knowledge was being imported into Arthur's mind. Visions of injuries, how to clean them, how to stitch them, and how to bandage them. Arthur was breathless as his feet touched the ground once more. Arthur was full of wonder and excitement over what had just happened. He looked down at Merlin who was staring at Arthur with something shy of awe.

Arthur couldn’t feel anything. Just stood there and allowed the blissful feeling to stay as long as possible. Then he remembered just why they were sent to him. He looked over his shoulder to a pile of rocks. Walking over he uncovered a small box. Opening it, he saw all the supplies he needed. He picked it up, gingerly, and walked over to Merlin. Arthur stopped shy of Merlin, though. He squatted down and looked his servant in the eyes, trying to convey his questions. Asking for permission to use the knowledge and help his servant. Merlin held his gaze with apprehension. Slowly he lowered his eyes and bowed his head slightly in submission.

Arthur stood and closed the distance between them. Merlin stayed in the same position. Arms wrapped around his knees, covering himself. Arthur bent over and laid a hand the servant's shoulder. Merlin tensed, then relaxed under the touch. Merlin rolled his head towards Arthur's hand. Keeping his eyes closed, Merlin hesitated on moving the rest of his body. Arthur didn't dare risk saying anything. Merlin needed to open up on his own terms, and in his own time. Finally, Merlin opened his eyes. Arthur sought out the gaze. They held eye contact for what seemed like ages. Arthur's breathing stalled, heart beating so loud he was worried that Merlin could hear it. Still looking into Arthur's eyes, Merlin released his hands from around his legs.

Merlin's eyes turned shameful as he offered them up to his prince. Keeping his hand on Merlin's shoulder, Arthur placed his other hand on Merlin's cheek. Arthur lifted Merlin's face to be even with his own. They shared a look of complete connection. Merlin's look of shame melted slightly. His eyes remained full of sadness. Arthur tried to convey what he was feeling, but he wasn't too sure of what he was feeling himself. With a nod, Arthur removed his hands and looked at the arms that were offered to him. He had to concentrate on keeping his face in check. Merlin was finally letting him help; he couldn't shun him away by making the wrong face. Merlin opted to not look. He kept his head bowed in defeat. Moving only when Arthur motioned for him to do so.

Arthur worked, and Merlin let him. When Arthur was almost done, it was getting more and more difficult to keep him emotions in control. He wanted to break down, hug Merlin and beg him not to do this ever again. But he knew better. While he was cleaning Merlin, he could see evidence of previous damage. Some of the scars were decades old. Why hadn't Arthur noticed? Merlin must have been no older than a boy when this started. What had caused Merlin to hurt so much that he had to do... this? Arthur knew one thing. He wouldn't allow this to continue. He was going to stand by Merlin from here on out. Nothing would prevent him from protecting his servant. Arthur hadn't realized that he had stopped working until he felt Merlin's hand on his own. Arthur looked up with wet eyes at Merlin.

Merlin looked back with age and wisdom that Arthur had never seen before on a boy his age. Arthur was in awe of the way Merlin seemed to calm him with just a look. Arthur nodded knowingly, and continued to work on the last few wounds. This time, Merlin kept his gaze on Arthur. Watching how he gingerly handled his body. Tracing encouraging circles around particularly bad areas. Gently caressing the bandages once they covered the cuts. Arthur could feel Merlin's eyes watching him. He focused on the last cut. This one was the deepest, and Arthur took a deep breath before going in and working on it.

"I'm sorry." Merlin said, barely above a whisper. The words surprised Arthur. He didn't want to stop working, so he just looked up to meet Merlin's gaze to find that Merlin had moved with eyes over to the wall in front of him.

"What?" He breathed. "You're sorry? _Why?_ > What could you possibly be sorry for?" Arthur tried to focus on his work. Moving on to the stitching process. As he threads the needle through one side of the cut he felt Merlin inhale sharply. Arthur placed a comforting hand on Merlin’s shoulder. "Are you alright? I'm sorry, this one might hurt a bit."

Merlin laughed softly, rolling his head back. "Arthur," he breathed, "I know, I remember that one." Merlin said, testing Arthur who only faltered for a second. _Right,_ For a moment Arthur forgot why he was stitching his servant up. _Merlin did this to himself._ The words felt strange in Arthur's mind. He still couldn't get over it. Finally he was almost done with the stitching. Merlin kept his head away from Arthur's eyes. But Arthur could see him stifling a cry. Arthur hurried his motions. Wrapping a bandage around the last wound and moving to sit back in front of Merlin.

"Hey, hey hey it's alright, Merlin. It's okay." He said, placing hands on Merlin's shoulder and cheek. "Merlin, hey, look at me. Can you do that for me?" At this point Merlin had let go of all attempts to hide his cries. Freely letting the tears roll down his face. Arthur's own eyes started to tear up once more. " _Merlin_ , please." Arthur breathed forward placing his forehead against the frail boy. Arthur moved his other hand so that both were on Merlin's face. Holding him there for just a second. Leaning back he rubbed his thumbs over the tears, wiping Merlin's questioning gaze.

Merlin started to calm down; looking into Arthur's eyes he relaxed into the feeling of Arthur's hands. Arthur didn't know what to say or what to do. He just knew he had to be there for Merlin. He moved forwards and removed his hand from Merlin’s face and opted to wrap them around Merlin's body in an embrace. His heart was racing so heard he knew Merlin could feel it. But feeling Merlin wrap his arms around Arthur in response nearly drove Arthur mad. There were so many things running through Arthur's mind. What did this all mean? Tomorrow would things be different? Would they speak of this again? What was Merlin thinking about?

Arthur couldn't answer for Merlin, but for him things would never be the same. Arthur released Merlin hesitantly, and pulled back to look at Merlin. Questions in his eyes, he looked at Merlin for approval. Merlin nodded and smiled self-consciously. "Sorry." He muttered.

Arthur willed himself to roll his eyes dramatically, "If you say sorry one more time, Merlin..." He looked at Merlin with such warmth. Merlin looked back curiously wondering what the rest of that sentence would be. Arthur shook his head, "You never cease to surprise me." Merlin's brows drew closer at the words. "Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for, alright?" Arthur said this with such intensity, trying to make sure Merlin understood. "It is I who should be sorry." It was Merlin's turn to shake his head.

"No, Arthur..." but Arthur wasn't having it. Simply raising his hand to silence Merlin.

"I'm not finished." Arthur said. Merlin cowered ever so slightly, allowing Arthur to continue talking. "I am sorry that I wasn't there for you before." Once more Merlin tried to talk, but thought better of it and shut his mouth again. Looking Merlin hard in the eyes, Arthur continued. "I am sorry you feel the need to do... this." Arthur hesitated and the reference. "You are such a kind and caring person, Merlin." Arthur said this with such kindness that made Merlin blush. "I am sorry for not being there for you, but I can promise you one thing, Merlin." At these words, Merlin looked up, questioning. "I will be there from now on. Alright?" Arthur held his eyes with everything he had. He felt the sting of tears once more. This time not caring when one finally pooled over the edge. "I am so sorry, Merlin. I so sorry." He finally broke down. Merlin moved forward. It was his turn to comfort. Arthur was again amazed, he wasn't the one that needed to be comforted, yet here was Merlin, hugging him.

They stayed in the embrace longer than last time. Both boys needing the comfort from the other. The reality of all that had happened had just hit Arthur so hard. He couldn't help it. Arthur had run out of tears as Merlin began rubbing circles into his back. Even as their breathing slowed back down, they were still embracing. Content in the comfort of each other’s arms. Unwilling to be the first to let go, Arthur nuzzled into Merlin's shoulder, hiding his eyes. "Merlin," he said softly.

"Hmm?" Merlin purred back.

"I can't feel my legs." He finally breathed out.

Fumbling out of the embrace, Merlin muttered, "Oh right, so-." Arthur glared at Merlin daring him to say sorry. Merlin pierced his lips shut and smiled. Arthur sat back and stretched his legs. He suddenly felt cold without Merlin's touch. He looked Merlin over.

"So, how did I do?" He asked anxiously. He watched Merlin look over the bandages.

"Well, at least you already have a job." He said with a sly smile.

Arthur laughed softly, "Yeah, well. My teacher was a little out of it during the lesson." He quirked an eyebrow at Merlin. Glad for the light air that was returning to them. Merlin let his head fall with a smile on his lips. "Are we alright, Merlin?" Merlin's movement's stilled as he started blinking a few times. "I mean, I'm not going to ask you to tell me everything, I have no right to ask for that." Merlin looked up hurt. "I just, I don't want to lose you." Arthur wouldn't dare look up at Merlin. He'd lose his nerve.

"I can't change..." Merlin started softly.

"No," Arthur said looking up. "No, I don't want you to ever change." biting his lip, Arthur thought of what to say. "I want you, to always be you." He finally decided on. Merlin looked over at Arthur with wonder.

"Arthur..." Merlin started to shake his head, smiling. "You know, you surprise me too, sire." He added the title with an air of mocking.

"Well, I try my best." Arthur said, sniffing. He looked back at Merlin. They shared another gaze. Their eyes saying what their minds and mouths wouldn't. Arthur felt light in his heart. "Are you alright to stand?" Merlin looked at himself and nodded. Arthur started to stand but held his hands out to offer added assistance. They stood, and started at each other. Neither knew exactly what to do. Merlin crossed his bandaged arms across his body, protecting his bare chest. Arthur saw this and looked around for Merlin's shirt. He eyed it before picking it up. "It's uh, a little dirty." Arthur said before extending his arm.

"That's alright." Merlin said with a knowing look. "I have a trick for that." Merlin held the shirt and looked up at Arthur through dark lashes. Arthur stared in amazement as Merlin's eyes glowed. Arthur looked over Merlin as all the stains and dirt were removed from his clothing by an invisible force. Merlin was still looking at Arthur, waiting for a response, raising his eye brows.

Arthur looked up, mouth hanging open. "That..." He started. Then straightened himself up. "That was handy." He said, clearing his throat.

Merlin smiled as he tugged his shirt back on. As they turned to leave, Arthur placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. Letting him know that he was still standing with him. As the left, Merlin’s eyes glowed once more without Arthur's knowledge. Behind them, all the materials started to clean themselves and return to their hiding places. Arthur looked over at Merlin and smiled. His heart sped up slightly when Merlin returned the smile.

That night, Arthur insisted that Merlin stayed in his quarters. He had another servant set up another bed parallel to Arthur's. Arthur let Merlin undress him, and then redress him for bed, just like any other night. Then he returned the favor. Removing Merlin's shabby clothing and placing him in his own bed clothes. They stayed quiet for the most part, sharing private silent moments. Both content with just being with each other. Arthur felt like they were in a good place. As they lay down Arthur rolled over to face his servant. He studied the face of the man lying next to him. He saw him in a new light tonight. Merlin rolled over to face Arthur also. They gazed at each other until they both drifted to sleep. Both feeling warm and content in where they stood.


End file.
